From Dean Dad: Things I don't do

Stolen shamelessly from Dean Dad's excellent list of things he doesn't do or doesn't get.

1. Heat (stolen from Dean Dad's #1). I hate hot rooms and hot weather, and the vicious sun poisoning I get in the summer doesn't help. Hawaiian beaches? They don't look as attractive if you know that you'd sit on the beach with a long-sleeved shirt. Maybe the heat antipathy is responsible, but I don't mind cold--don't feel it, in fact. If there's a meeting and everyone is saying, "It's cold in here," there'll always be one dissenter: me.

2. To Dean Dad's team-building exercises, I'd add inspirational speeches of any kind. No, make that any speeches of any kind. I learned early to fake an expression of rapt attention and let my mind wander elsewhere when trapped (graduation speeches, college president speeches, keynote speeches, etc.). This also explains why I've never seen the Oscars or any other awards ceremony: I understand that there are speeches involved. If you want me to pay attention to it, write it down so that I can read it.

3. Nascar (channeling Dean Dad), giant truck rallies, any kind of televised sports. In fact, pretty much televised anything, which makes cultural studies out of bounds for me: I've never seen CSI, American Idol, any reality show, etc.

Those are normal for an academic (except the heat part), but here are the less common ones, the ones I wouldn't admit IRL.

4. I'm a female academic and yet have little to no interest in mystery novels, academic or otherwise. Judging from conversations around me, this makes me an anomaly.

5. I just don't get the high heels with jeans phenomenon. Years ago, I had read that the point of high heels was to shorten the Achilles tendon or something, thereby making women's legs look attractive, rendering them unable to run and thus heightening a look of vulnerability, and so on. (Okay, the anatomy may be wrong, but you get the idea.) That it may have this effect permanently was one of the reasons why the look died a well-deserved death in the 1960s. Jeans have the opposite purpose: they're supposed to be comfortable, not uncomfortable.

All right, let's review: you put on pointy-toed high heels, the purpose of which is to look attractive in skirts rather than to be comfortable. You then put on jeans, the purpose of which is to be comfortable, and hide the very feature that the high heels exist to show off. I see it, but I don't get it.

6. Chess. I wish I could play chess and other complex games, but they seem so much like work that I'd rather, well, work.